I don’t often post about my personal life. In fact kate and I made a new years resolution to publish more personal posts on this blog but we have not done so yet.  This week I experienced a new level of emotion and feeling that I had not yet experienced. I shake as I type these words. still drawing up the emotion involved in this post.

When I think about ‘Life’ and what it means and why we are here I always come back to the same thing. Love. And when I think about ‘Love’ and what it means I also always come back to the same thing, or the same person I should say, and that is my Grandpop.  He loves my Grandnan at an astronomical level. Like nothing I have ever seen. This is a photo of that gorgeous woman he fell in love with so many years ago…. the first time they met she was collecting money for a charity and he gave her his last penny to be able to speak to her….

A few years ago my Grandnan began to suffer from Dementia. At first it was silly things she would forget, like how to switch on the tv or someone’s name. And gradually it became worse. Now she does not know who I am. She asks me ‘who is the little girl’ about my son and she looks at my husband in a way that I know she is wondering who this strange man is with his arms around me. It is absolutely heart breaking.

My Grandpop is a very special person.  He is not just ‘my’ special person but he is everybody in our families special person. He is there for everybody and would give the shirt off his back. He has worked hard his whole life to give his family opportunities that he never had.  I can talk to him about anything and I share with him everything.  He is 83 years old and he is my Grandnan’s full time carer.

When Grandnan first started changing, Grandpop and I were talking about ‘Love’ and he told me he has never loved her more than he does today. I know that he still feels that right now, right this second.   The next day I was driving down a busy road when I saw out of the corner of my eye an old couple walking hand in hand down the street and I thought to myself how beautiful that was. As I got closer I realised it was them and a tear slid down my cheek as I realised how happy they were just being together.

Almost 50 years ago they made the decision to leave England and everything they knew to live in Australia. They did not know a single soul here. Together they raised their two children, my mum and my uncle and were rewarded with seven Grandchildren, one of whom sadly passed away shortly after she was born. Today they have four Great Grandchildren who absolutely adore them and one more on the way.  Grandpop’s heart is bigger than anybody I have ever known. I sometimes wonder how he has room to fit it all in but I resolve that his heart just keeps growing bigger and bigger.

This is my Grandnan and Grandpop on their wedding day.

Last week my Grandpop was rushed to hospital. This left the family to care for Grandnan. It was very clear that Grandnan needed to be somewhere she could have access to 24 hour care and that Grandpop’s enormous heart overflowing with love was not enough to care for Grandnan anymore.  He was becoming sick too.

Grandpop is out of hospital now and Grandnan has moved into a Nursing Home close by.  A Nursing Home filled with staff who are passionate about their work, who are kind and gentle and soothing.

I can see that this the most painful thing Grandpop has ever felt.  60 years of marriage and they have shared almost every single minute together.  He visits her every day and talks to her about life. He tells her stories about their life together and about our family. He is her best friend and she is his.

Im not sure why I felt to post this.  It was certainly not easy to write. I think I just wanted to share their beautiful never ending love.

Grandpop you are amazing.  You have taught me a new level of love, respect and compassion and I admire you more than anything or anyone else on this earth. I love you and Grandnan with all of my heart and will never, ever let either of you forget it.

xxM

Posted by Merryn - Feb 3rd 2010 | Personal - Merryn | Hide Comments